So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
