I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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