could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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