Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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