I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
