I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
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Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
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Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize