I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
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