Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
