Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
