I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
