she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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