So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
its liver damage thursday
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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