so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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