I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
