The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
We need to rekindle our bromance
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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