Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
