According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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