Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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