just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I would fuck him just for his dog
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
