We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
