he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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