yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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