I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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