Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
