Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
