Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I came so hard my ears popped.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
