i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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