I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
