i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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