i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
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There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
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Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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