That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
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