I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
