im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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