My sheets look like a crime scene.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize