ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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