i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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