There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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