and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Success! We fucked roommates!
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
