I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
