the new term for farting is butt boxing.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
