we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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