giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
