u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
