He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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