Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
