I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
