She's JV to your varsity
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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