Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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