hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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