What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
