I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
