All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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