Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
