Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
