I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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