hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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