he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
