I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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