Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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