All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
