It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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