Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
