I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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