your room smells of hookers.
And success
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
