Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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