my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
