we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
