Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
