Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Panties = found
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
